-.- grr.
Anyway, I've been thinking about my past three years in Twifandom, and how many awesome people I've met, and seen around these parts of the interwebs. Often times--okay, all the time--I feel I'm not good enough to be in the presence of such generous and amazing people. I still remember reading Wide Awake in my living room for the first time, not being able to make dinner because I was reading and fascinated with Edward and Bella being human. I still credit Danieller123 for pulling me away from the Twilight YouTube community and into fanfic. I never thought I had the patience to write, but I started typing away at the keyboard one day, creating my first AU.
That fic led into House of the Horde, which led to Lions Eat Lambs and eventually Kingdom of Rust, inspired by Sharon's Hansel and Gretel plot bunny. Writing opened up so many doors. It's given me patience and perspective and a new-found respect for the authors I always overlooked while growing up. I've never been well-read (and I'm still not), so I always did as little as possible regarding assignments in school. To be honest, I didn't realize how books could take a person into another world until Twilight, which is why it takes a while for me to get fics out.
I become immersed in characters and their possibilities until they reveal their path, then, I have to find the time to write. Tangent. My apologies. Not only for the brief veer off course, but because I don't read as much fanfic as I should, even though countless authors and readers have given me a try. It's not you, it's me. No, really. I'm a douche nozzle when it comes to these things, but it doesn't mean I think you suck. That can't be farther from the truth. My time spent interacting with you has been the highlight of my adult life (aside from my children and husband), and I know most would think that's sad, but I don't. Most of my "real life" friends have their own lives and routines which don't include me. I've found astounding comfort in knowing where to go if I need someone to talk to, or see people interacting about fic or whatever.
Thankfully, two of my besties have been Twihards, one of them is Luna Starfire (aka: Dementia). She's the most underrated author in this entire goddamn fandom. I wish I had her style because she's full charge at a certain angle and doesn't let up a single bit (unless she's not writing). Her prose is so unique, I'm grateful I understand it. She's carries zero reservations about herself, while I carry one-hundred percent about my "talent".
I don't feel I have a talent or gift. It's a tool to keep insanity at bay, to thwart off negativity in my personal circle which I've lived with my entire life. I still struggle. I feel I'm getting entirely off subject because this is about you. How happy I am to know you, and even more thrilled you've spoken to me or helped me over a hump. You've made me smile with your silliness and cry with your life experiences. If you've ever read one of my stories and rec'd it to someone else. If you've ever read my story and hated it, thank you for at least giving it a try. If you've ever left me a review, and I didn't have time to respond back, but you didn't care, thank you for understanding. You are awesome.
Most of all I want to thank you, not just for all these things, but for being, and not wanting to be, anyone else except yourself. :)
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